D3 body, D1 cock
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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