i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
