GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
