He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This toilet bowl is my home.
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