so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
