i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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