elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
