Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
