Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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