Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
