I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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