I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
