just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
