i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize