Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
