I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
