2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
