I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
