I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
