insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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