I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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