Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
