I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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