good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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