you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
