So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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