On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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