who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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