youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
