Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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