We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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