Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
