Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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