your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
