what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize