I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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