I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
