so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
