Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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