Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
