This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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