Umm I'm too high to move.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
