I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
