I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
