that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
