when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
