Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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