i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
