So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize