I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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