Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
