Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
