You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
