Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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