some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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