I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
