seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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