Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
