I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
