Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
