oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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