If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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