Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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